found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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