pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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