We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
