they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
