My friends, they love my intelligence
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
