True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
