yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
