I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
