what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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