FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
