Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
