It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
