and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
