so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dear god my vagina.
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