Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
