She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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