Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
