Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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