Small penises have feelings too.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
