that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
