I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
