ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
