It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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