Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
