My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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