You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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