god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the condom got lost in my hair
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
