All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
