Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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