I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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