My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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