I wish they made helmets for livers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
