He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
