I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
two words...techno handjob
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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