she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
