Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
