I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
