I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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