It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have aggressive nipples.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
