i just sent this text using only my big toe
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
