I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
