Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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