just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
