careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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