Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
