hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
