end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
