i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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