Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
