We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
