Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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