kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
