Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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