i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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