just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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