I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
