So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
