just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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