Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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