she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
