Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
