And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
